Lydia is my only breastfed baby. With Rowan my milk never came in. And don't tell me that it is not possible for milk to be nonexistent. Because it is very possible. I spent hours and hours with lactation consultants and I spent hours and hours pumping and nursing and pumping and nursing. And I tried teas and supplements. I tried until my baby was inconsolable with hunger pains. And then I had no choice but to give him formula. It was very disappointing. But at least he was fed. And it was easy to me at that time. I didn't have to panic about feeding in public. I didn't have to plan specific easy access outfits. I took a bottle with water and container of powder and went! So breastfeeding was foreign territory for me.
Lydia was born at 37 weeks. She was ready to greet the world and nothing was gonna stop her. The nurses kept telling me that nursing would be difficult with an early baby. Well she proved them wrong. She immediately was nursing like a pro. And within the 4th day my milk came in and low and behold I was a nursing mother! I was so excited! And I felt like this amazing creature that was able to satisfy her tiny baby's needs. It gave me such a sense of accomplishment. And then I became engorged... (cue dramatic doom music).
PHYSICAL ASPECTS OF BREASTFEEDING
You wanna talk misery, try engorgement. Swollen, lumpy, HOT, sore breasts. I was in so much pain. It hurt so bad that I would cry as she latch and sucked all the milk from the clogged ducts. I dreaded when it was time to nurse. All i could think was how this never happened when i bottle fed Rowan! Because I was so swollen it was nearly impossible to latch her without hand expressing some first to relieve some of the swell. And then I started to see RED streaks. And I realized how this was going to become mastitis if I didn't do something. So I googled how to stop mastitis in its tracks. And that night I slept with cabbage leaves in my bra. That's right . Cabbage leaves. Oh they felt so good! So crisp and cold against my swollen boulders! And the next morning my engorgement had gone down significantly! It was incredible. I couldn't believe how easily that repaired my suffering. Two nights of that and I was back to normal. But then came the blistering, super sensitive nipples. That was a very uncomfortable situation. I had to wear the ultra soft nursing pads just so that the fabric from my bra wouldnt chafe. And I had to apply coconut oil after every feeding. It works 110% better than lanolin. And it's safer and a bit more tasty for your baby! But after 2 months everything seemed to mellow out and regulate physically. And we seem to have a pretty good flow. But there are still more challenges.
NURSING IN PUBLIC/PUBLIC OPINIONS
I severely dislike people who stare. I mean, it's so rude to just sit there and eyeball a total stranger. I'm not flashy and in people's faces about nursing. I wear a cover. I keep everything decent. But even when being discreet people still sit and whisper and cut their eyes at you. It's infuriating. They should be grateful that the general opinion of the public don't make those rude turds wear blankets over their heads while they eat. Lydia hates it. She hates being covered while she nurses. So not only do I have to fight the cover, I have to keep her from unlatching to fuss about the cover. It's super stressful. And lady in booth 8 (you know who you are) eat your salad and stop looking at me like I've ruined your lunch. I'm feeding a baby, not filming a sex scene! People seem to forget that breasts are made to nuture and feed a baby. Hence the reason women, who will eventually be MOTHERS, have them. It seems that sexualizing the breasts though is only a major American issue. Many other countries a mother can walk thru the town with a baby hanging from her tit and not a single person gasps in shock, Or stares in hate. It's accepted as a natural way of caring for your children. Not a display of indecency. What is wrong with America? Why be so prude? We were created with a special capability. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Which is why when my son pretends to nurse a baby doll I don't panic! He sees me feed Lydia. I've shown him how I produce milk to feed her and explained that's how she can grow to be big so she can play toys with him. And so to him all people should be able to do that. I love the innocence of the mind of a small child. He perfectly accepts that a baby must eat to grow, and one way of feeding is to nurse. If a 2 year old can comprehend it, then why does everyone else get into a frenzy when they see a mom nursing?! We just want to feed our babies. So stop whispering and staring and acting uncomfortable when we do. Trust me. The last thing on our mind is wanting you to sexualize our leaking swollen breasts. But we do have other things on our mind, breastfeeding can be a very emotional experience .
EMOTIONS FROM BREASTFEEDING
The first few weeks of breastfeeding had me in a state of unbelievable peace. It was like a natural antidepressant. But my son was staying with my mom so I could heal from my c-section. When he came back, breastfeeding kind of lost its ecstasy feeling. Because I couldn't just lay back and nurse and take it all in. One day I was nursing her and sticking him on the potty! That was impressive if I do say so myself. But even after 4 months of breastfeeding it still can have a calming effect. It releases those happy hormones and sleepy hormones. For you and for your baby. It gives you a very special connection with your child. You just sit there and take in this beautiful little person you made, and you are so grateful you get to love it and care for it. You carried it for 9 months and fed it thru you. And now you still are the reason it lives. You still feed it thru you. Breastfeeding is a codependent relationship. Your baby depends on you for life, you depend on your baby for that emotional connection. It's truly a special bond. As frustrating as it can be sometimes, like the times she cluster feeds or the times she is distracted and unlatches every 2 sucks, it's still a really incredible ability and gift we as mothers have. And if you can't breastfeed, there is absolutely no shame in that either. Whether it is by choice or because your body simply doesn't cooperate. If you feed your baby, you are a terrific mom. No matter how you choose to feed. Every form of feeding your baby needs to be normalized. You are scolded for formula feeding, you are scolded for breastfeeding publicly. Everyone everywhere always has some opinion about everything. But the main thing is that you love your baby and care for its needs the best way you can! And in the end they will love you no matter what.
-Nina
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