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Today I'm useless

     Somedays all you can do is sit there and stare at your kids. I wish life was like a parenting magazine. Where the mom's are flawless and they are artistic and creative and the kids just glow. And their houses are trendy and clean and all the white surfaces are flawless. And they all eat these fancy gluten free meals with organic everything. Blah blah blah. I call that giving mom's unrealistic expectations. The raw truth of it is that somedays you can barely hold your head up. I'm gonna guess that the professionals who put these magazines together either have nannies for their kids, so it's easy for them to dance a jig and click their heels in front of a camera with their kids because that 5 minutes is the only time they've spent with their kids that week. Or they are the type of women who never had kids but think they know EXACTLY what every mom should be like. Or maybe im just an exceptionally tired mother.
     Today I took my kids in a volunteer bible ministry that we participate in several times a week. We are Jehovah's witnesses. I will often make reference to things that we believe, or activities we participate in. (If any of you readers have questions you can go on Jw.org and request a visit from someone in your area, or look up any question you have about us in that same website.) It's alot of work to get the kids dressed, Liddy nursed, Rowan fed, me dressed (and dressed again because Liddy has spit up on my first outfit), and get out the door and to meet up with our other friends who participate in our ministry by 9am. By the time we get started I already need a nap! And Rowan loves to start his fits and terror attacks at the most inconvenient times. So by the time I get home I'm fried. The days I do this ministry I'm useless the rest of the day. But it's a wonderful work, and I don't mind the exhaustion because I know I did a good work for the day. It does though make it hard for me to be a "fun" mom for the rest of the day. So I sit and watch TV and roll trucks around the floor and hold Lydia. The pile of towels that needs to be folded is still sitting here next to me. The bathroom still needs to be cleaned. The dishwasher unloaded and loaded again. But I can't. I'm so tired that if I laid my head down this moment I'd fall asleep. Of course days like this I have the ultimate mom guilt. I know that I should get my butt up and be more proactive. I know that Rowan has exceeded his screen time for the day. I know that leftovers for dinner is nobody's favorite. I know that Lydia needs a bath, and I need to start a load of laundry and soak Will's work shirts in stain fighter. I know i desperately need to go thru Rowan's toys and my clothes and the storage closet and bag up the stuff to yard sale in a few weeks. But I just can't. All I can do is sit here.
     The kids spent their morning surrounded by spiritual thoughts, they have been fed (a total of 6 times already for Liddy), and they have been hugged, kissed, and told they are loved. So I guess even though that's all I've managed to do, that's a good enough day. And maybe there is some magical fairy unicorn mom somewhere who can do it all every day! And all I have to say to that is "whoopee freakin doo". Maybe she should find out what makes her the way she is and sell it. But then again I'd be too busy sitting here staring at my kids and I wouldn't go out and buy it anyway.

-Nina

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