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Growing up

     Rowan will be 3 this year. It seems like just yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital. We had no clue what we were doing. I had always imagined myself as a certain type of mom. But from the moment I heard his first little cry everything changed from what I thought it would be, to what it really was. And here we are almost 3 years later with TWO, and still things are never what I expect them to be.
      Watching my babies grow up is the hardest part of this all. You give birth to this tiny little human who can barely keep their eyes open, and within 3 months they can roll, hold their heads up, smile and coo and laugh, and a month later they are eating cereals, and two more months after that they are crawling and pulling up and into EVERYTHING. By a year they are walking, backtalking, and stealing your French fries. To alot of people a year can drag on. But to parents, a year might as well be a week. It just goes too fast. I never thought Rowan would be a little boy so soon. I was never prepared for this. And now watching Lydia grow, I'm really not prepared for her milestones. I don't plan on having anymore babies, so watching my baby baby start growing into her own little person is tearing me to pieces. You want them to grow up. You want them to become incredible people and make a difference in the world. But at the same time you want them to beg for 6 stories at bedtime, and call for you when they have a bad dream or scrape their knee. You want them to WANT to help you do chores. And you want them to tell you they love you in that sweet little voice. Those are things you want to hold onto forever. And every day when Rowan becomes a little more grown up, I find myself desperately trying to sneak in one extra hug or trying to get one more "I love you mommy" out of his mouth. I find myself spending a few extra minutes watching him sleep and wishing he was still that tiny baby who slept swaddled waking up every 2 hours to be fed. Every extra hour Lydia sleeps I find myself wishing she had woken me up every few hours just so I could hold her a little longer, before she no longer wants to be held.
     There's no stopping time. If there was I would have gone to the ends of the earth to be able to pause it for just a few days. But here I am with my babies who will always be my babies, but not always literally. One day they will sit and tell me in disbelief about how fast their children grow. And I will sit and smile at the beautiful circle of life and of time...but for now I'm gonna go take advantage of the few hours I have left with my babies before another day has slipped away.

-Nina

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